he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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