Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
