this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
