I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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