you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
my liver is dry heaving
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
