Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
