I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
