Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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