He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize