i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
my liver is dry heaving
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
