The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
