Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize