i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
