How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
