I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
