I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize