we're chasing vodka with high fives
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
