my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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