i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
