youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
