I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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