Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
