I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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