Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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