I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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