you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Well I just put wine in my tea
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
