I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
