i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Actions speak louder than pants.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
