Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
