I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
