dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
