iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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