wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Randomize
