Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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