My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
