u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Pooping to opera.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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