Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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