youre lurking in front of me
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
