Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
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