She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
