A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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