I wish I could punch you in the face.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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