You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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