Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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