Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I party with great urgency now.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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