At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
