I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
