the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
