Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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