I got chris browned last night
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
