I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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