Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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