chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
