hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
