My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
that is very illegal...i love you.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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