There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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