god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
