So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
