if i can run in heels then i can drive
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize