Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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