What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
A+ Viking dick
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
